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you know you’re a music teacher when…

March 1, 2015 , , , , , ,

schoolofrock-91. You hear intervals everywhere. Especially at airports and train stations.

2. You haven’t eaten recess or lunch sitting down since 2003.

3. You can lip-sync your way through the entire script of “School of Rock” and unashamedly quote from it during your lessons.

4. There is blood on the carpet from the last kid who dared to play “Chopsticks” or “Heart and Soul” on the piano. You deny all responsibility for the stains.

5. 1-4-7-3-6-2-5-1 is The Way of The World.

6. You have used it as a pin number before.

7. You have had nightmares where you shriek, “RAISE THE 7TH!”

8. A teenage male vocal blowout still makes you laugh. You’ve just learned to laugh on the inside.

9. You cannot WAIT to instil some decent choral technique into all those Year-8-Five-Note-Belters-With-No-Head-Voice.

10. You harbour a secret love for at least one of the following: All things Disney, Pitch Perfect, Wicked, Matilda, Earth, Wind + Fire, Michael Jackson, Queen, or The Beatles. You choose arrangements of these pieces for your ensembles, justifying them by their excellent voicings.

11. “Father Christmas gave Dad an electric blanket; blanket exploded and Dad got cold feet” is a legitimate and complete story.

12. You threaten to gouge off the nails of any student who casually walks past and “plays” any of the mallet percussion instruments by whacking them with their hands.

13. You always have spare performance ties, stockings, shoe polish, bobby pins and industrial-sized hairspray.

14. You have a love-hate relationship with Kirby Shaw, Roger Emerson, or Mac Huff.

15. You’ve entertained the idea of one or several of the following: whirly tubes, gamelans, kazoos, boom-whackers, egg shakers, claves, djembes, congas, and agogo bells.

16. When a Year 10 guy offers you, “Feisty chicks get dirty at East Brighton” as the order of sharps, you are impressed.

17. You can fake words to any hymn like a pro, but grill your students for not knowing the 17th verse of an obscure Irish melody from memory. In Gaelic.

18. You twitch if a student plays a scale and stops at the leading note.

19. You love gaffa tape.

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