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the teacher’s ode to polyester

April 6, 2015 , , , , , , , ,

a poem, a la leunig


we give thanks for polyester

to the crumple-free garment

that looks hopefully up at you

even though you’ve rumpled it, stuffed it, tossed it, turned it, macerated it, lacerated it, forgotten about it…until now…

apricot embroidery zipper long sleeve polyester dress-f30293

that poor wrecked piece of clothing

that does not require ironing…looks quite angelic right now…

and while i am normally

somewhat of a fabric snob

a connoisseur of breathability

favouring the dulcet tones and textures of fine merino wool

or the soothing billows of cotton

oh polyester, you have my heart now

at 7:03am in the morning

when my lunch is still a frozen brick that i neglected to extract from the freezer

and my hair is still dripping wet, or in scary-weird, sleep-moulded astro-boy peaks


oh polyester of the cheap man-made fibres

of zero breathability

and maximum flammability

come, let me wear you!

and i will keep thee away from bunsen burners, drawing pins, and sharp doorways

and, cruel as i am to you

scrunching and stuffing you heartlessly into a corner of my wardrobe

with no hanger for sweet repose

still, you trust

still, you unravel

still, you become wrinkle-free

an unfolding

of unnatural synthetics

and eternal static

and i am filled with ridiculous appreciation for you.


oh polyester,

we give thanks!




Me and my highly abused but beautifully presented black 100% polyester performance dress.


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