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a prayer for the noisy-minded

April 23, 2017 , , , , , ,

My mind can be assaultingly noisy. A cacophony of ideas, and “must-dos”, odds and ends of conversations done, in the go, or to have, snippets of ideas, a mish-mash of worries and wishes, hopes and high points, fears and frustrations. Dreams. I walk each day just to line them all up so I can at least get a good look at them!

A moment with my Mum where she said joyful words, but I could see her tiredness and sadness.

The words not spoken by my Dad that glowed with love.

The teaching notes that are in all states of disarray and ruin.

The presentation that is unfolding with blinding brilliance, and fills me with momentum.

A half-baked dream from two nights ago that makes me whimsical.

The phone bill I haven’t paid.

The word of encouragement I really wanted to run down the corridor to give, the hug one-and-a-half-weeks late, the washing.

The contacts I need to order, alongside the paper towels and mushrooms that I need to buy, the container full of unidentified year-old stew that I need to extricate, with the woodge of chocolate brownies that are for my God-girlies that need to be delivered.

Did I do okay?

That was SO fabulous!

Am I valued? And am I enough?

I’m taking that one and hugging it breathless right now. I am exactly where I need to be in the waterfall of noise and sound, in the rush of time and space, in all the activity of living life. 

If there is something undone at the end of the day, I am still enough.

If I have gone into the classroom and loved those students, inspired as many as I was able, soothed the worries of others, buoyed up the small, quietened the belligerent and over-confident, then I have won the day.

All I need to do is be exactly in this moment, working hard, living life, one step at a time.

And indeed, I know this to be true, because it’s beautiful in it’s very sacredness:

I have what it takes to figure it out

I do not have to figure it all out at once

I am alive

I am beautiful

I am truly free


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