littlecolourfulteacher

littlecolourfulteacher

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struggle is right

April 30, 2017 , , , , , ,

I woke up this morning feeling small. Less than. Not motivated to move from my comfortable cocoon. That pull of past mistakes and upsets crowding my head, and me unable to take that first step.

So I started walking through my thoughts, one at a time, in place of actual physical steps.

The first thing I thought was that I was grateful for the struggle of those before me. The struggle and pathways made by people who were courageous in their fear, and who knew that the only way to get through the day was one step at a time.

Struggle is right, without it you don’t know what you are capable of because you’ve never left your comfort zone.

Struggle is the first step towards possibility.

Struggle is playful, courageous, ugly, draining, and everything else in between.

Struggle is struggle, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. I realised, as I was on this thought process, that I have words that I can use to tell my story, that through the discomfort, I can actualise anything I want. That it’s not the day or the challenges I am afraid of, it’s the thought of pain. The thought of being hurt. The thought that I can’t handle it.

Without walking through each of these uncertainties, I’ll never be able to find the most beautiful in me. The most resonant, and most authentic.

have to struggle every now and then in order to become able, strong, flexible, stretchy, and supple.

And without getting curious about all the heart-flipping moments, the moments that sting a little, or feel uncomfortable, I won’t find a passage of understanding.

What I have to do is get good at leaning into this, leaning into the work and struggle, and knowing that I have enough capacity, courage, and voice to tell my most authentic story.

I will NOT make everyone happy.

I will NOT impress everyone. I’m not very good at NOT impressing everyone, no matter what front I may put on. I have to remind myself that to get someone’s back up is normal, and even MORE normal if their good opinion doesn’t matter to me!

That the day will move and pass, the minutes will flow, they sun will stretch, and I will get through it.

That I have so much more to give than my worries, and that I should focus on those.

That my world is SO MUCH BIGGER than the tiny little pinprick of a worry that is coursing through my thoughts right now.

That I can do so much to change the momentum of my world and day.

That I am indeed loved. I am not the jackass whisperer. I do not need to make everyone happy and comfortable.

I just have to step forward to do the very best that I am able. 

I can do that.

 

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