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the childless mother

October 1, 2017 , , , , , , ,

“Because it’s just you at home.”

“You only have to worry about yourself.”

“Life is so much simpler because you’re on your own.”

“You don’t have to consider meals, other events, uniforms, and everything else.”

And my heart overflows to brimming. Yes, you’re right. On paper, in theory. But hear me PLEASE.

When I see you work as a mother, the extraordinary lengths you will go to for you children, my heart overflows with respect and admiration, did you know that? Did you know that I completely admire what you do, respect your tenacity, celebrate your love, and lift you up in your tiredness? That I thank you for your work because, bloody hell, you came in and gave when you had nothing to give. I see it. I see it with my whole heart, not just my eyes, and I think it extraordinary. I think that what you do is exceptional.

So hear me please when I say that your words cut me right to the core. There’s every world of assumption in your words. That I live a carefree existence. That I don’t have a single ounce of understanding about what you go through. That I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be in the mothering role. That I only have to worry about myself. That my worries are of lesser value than you. That I have no other considerations. That I have, in essence, less of a life, and far less value than you.

Forgive me if I am stuffing words into your mouth. But that tiny little throw away sentence HURTS.

So DAMN much.

And do you know why it hurts so DAMN much?

Because I CELEBRATE YOU. When you come in exhausted, I ask you how your children are. I ask about how they are doing at school, and hi-five them as they are going past. Not for show, not to pass time…but because I LOVE CHILDREN. I have no biological children of my own. But I love children, I love young people, and I think they are such extraordinary beings, full of hope and potential. I celebrate what you do. I see the extraordinary in what you do. I think how you somehow stretch your time goes beyond understanding. I thank you for your work.

And the real truth? If I could have been married and a mother at age 21, I would have chosen it with all my heart. But life didn’t give me that blue print. My blue print, let me say, goes off the charts of what normal could be. I am making waves even when I don’t want to. But I am living a good life, a life of joy, authenticity, and service. I am living a life of agency and industry, compassion and love.

So don’t you FUCKING DARE reduce me to a stat.

Hear your words, hear their resonance, and PLEASE. Take care what comes out of your mouth, and into my space + heart, because if you are not careful, I will not be ready to receive or celebrate you.

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