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balance in the agency + industry

October 10, 2017 , , , , , , , ,

As much as I complain about being busy, it is genuinely what makes me grateful for the time I have. Time and time again, I keep thinking, “I can’t do this. I can’t give this much! I’m exhausted!” To put things in perspective, I am a fierce introvert in the true sense of the word, who is a secondary school music teacher. Who loves people. And wears ridiculous amounts of colour. Oxymoron, much?!

But come Week 6 or 7, after a term of intensive teaching, one-on-one, Year 12s, ensembles, rehearsals, and pushing to the max each week, even a healthy routine and good diet are not enough. And I’ve found that it’s really not because of the HOURS spent. It’s the face-to-face, IN the coalface, time spent in the classroom. The immediacy of being in human interaction, over and over.

My goodness, I LOVE it with a passion, otherwise I wouldn’t have chosen this life for myself. I love the connection with the students that grows strong, secure, and joyful learning. I love seeing the inexplicable magic of slowly stepping away from my students so that suddenly, they are walking independently and full of confidence and bursting with worth, and they didn’t even know it.

But it always amazes me how emotionally tired I am. Exhausted from human interaction. Of problem-solving, and being IN it all, of enthusing, and of moving. Of connecting, over and over.

Yet, I find now, in the oasis that is holidays, (and the only time I blog daily, by the way!), is that given hours to spend, I do not want to spend them in mindless wanderings. Actually, honestly, I CANNOT.

I NEED momentum, change, and the rush of time. I need agency and purpose, otherwise I am more tired than if I had slept the whole day. And it amazes me each time that I think, “Oh, I can’t WAIT to do NOTHING!” Nothing, honestly, sucks. It SUCKS the lifeblood and energy out of you.

We each of us need to be doing, every day. Creating, living, connection, loving, discovering. We need to be a little too tired sometimes to learn how to relax. We need to overuse our time in order to understand HOW to use our time. We need to have a full day to be grateful for the rest. Too much rest hurts us to the core; hurts our humanity, and lays our creativity to waste. We need to be IN life, living it, wondering, discovering, and being ALIVE.

This aliveness and agency is the core inspiration that will fill me up and nourish my spirit for a busy and intensive Term 4. It’s not the hours I need, it’s the peace away from giving and connecting, and the time to be individually creative and industrious. It’s like I re-learn this lesson every time I hit holidays. Lying on the couch for anything other than recouping a sleep deficit does nothing for me. It might be exactly what is required for other tired teacher-souls, but for me, I need to be quietly in my “introverting” state, doing things. Creating things. Sometimes very energetic and physically challenging things, but nevertheless, being. 

Because that is what energises my heart!

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