littlecolourfulteacher

littlecolourfulteacher

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the kwokkie diaries: day 23

July 19, 2018 , , , , , , , , , ,

Day 23: San Francisco

“I hold my heart by the hand, together we’ll wander, endlessly.”

I love you, Mum + Dad.

My Dad gave me the sea. The salt and sting of Henley Square, the freshness, the soothing, the unrelenting storms all flecked with sand, the heavy dullness of dawn in summer. My Dad gave me this. He gave me the very edge of the sea that I may travel. He has a nomadic daughter with strong wings, but with a heart that overflows, overwhelmingly so, for home.

My Mum gave me the earth. The place that is my home. All that is wok-smelling, incense-filled, real, small details, family life at its most poignant and rushingly beautiful. All the tiny moments matter to my Mum, magnified over in joy, ache, sadness, worry, anxiety, and happiness. The small moments are her world. The big picture is wondrous to her, but she cannot live there. Her spirit is most happy with an anchor point; her family.

My beautiful parents, who are so fragile and strong, I love you so much.

Here, on the other side of the world, I think of you, and I love you with all my heart.

I am so sorry that I couldn’t give you a grandchild, or grandchildren. I have cried so much over this and every day, my heart cries. I wanted to give you grandchildren more than I wanted to have children of my own, and I dearly, dearly want children. A family. A husband. An anchor point.

But it is not written in the stars for me.

And I cry, raw tears.

But I cannot live a life in apology.

So I travel. I take flight. Glorious, uninhibited flight.

Not because I am running away, but because I am embracing. I will LIVE my life, all of it, and show you the all that I see. I will show you Montreal and San Francisco, Toronto where your son + daughter-in-law are, and the beauty of Prince Edward Island. I will show you Vancouver and Washington, and the uncut gritty beauty of New York. I will show you everything that I see, and share with you my world.

Hear me please, I will LIVE my life.

I love you both so much.

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😢 + 😁

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Jo

July 22, 2018

more hugs…

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jodiebodie

August 5, 2018

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