littlecolourfulteacher

littlecolourfulteacher

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June 19, 2019 , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Did you know you can close up anytime? It’s so easy that it’s almost imperceptible if you’re not aware. And then the minutes and days pass and suddenly, you find yourself on the other side of the window, with the glass getting mistier + cloudier, and you go to reach out and – can’t.

It starts small.

“Hello” only, rather than, “How are you, what’s happening?”, because in that moment, any more than “Hello” is too much effort.

It’s the change in inflection in your voice.

Rather than putting something into words, just moving, moving, moving. The “what’s next” is so seductive, and so easy, that you wonder if you dreamed that moment of worry and vulnerability. Did you know that a moving target is harder to hit? Devastating, hey?

Don’t wear that colourful scarf. Too much to wear those gorgeous earrings. Not feeling that fabulous polka-dot coat. Put the plain-coloured everything on.

I’ll do it tomorrow.

Look down, rather than looking up and engaging, and risking that interaction because there is a chance that it might be uncomfortable, or joyful, or weird, or funny, or – something other than easy.

I’m not ready yet.

Put the bowl in the microwave, heat it up, eat. Don’t want to clean the glorious oil spatter off the kitchen counter, or have chilli make your eyes water and you watery with laughter, or have the house smell like garlic for days. Keep it clean.

Don’t ask that extra question, you might start a landslide or create a wave. You might find yourself on the edge, or worse still, the outer. You might get a reputation.

Can’t.

Why reach out anyways? They’ll be busy. They’ll have other things on. Too tired. No time or energy. Next time.

That worked last time. Do it again, cut and paste, repeat.

It’s so easy, way too easy, to close up.

Be a little more awkward and daring, hopeful and vibrant, and step up.

Step in.

Look around. There’s more. Embrace the stomach flip. Feel the awkward acutely.

Step in. 

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