littlecolourfulteacher

littlecolourfulteacher

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coffee!

October 6, 2018 2 Comments

Said I’d had a big week at school. They made me this!

#karmaandcrowlegends

the kwokkie diaries: day 13

July 8, 2018

Day 13: Charlottetown to Cavendish, Prince Edward Island

IT’S ANNE OF GREEN GABLES TIME!

Steps taken: 22,489, mostly around the glorious Prince Edward Island National Park, which is on the doorstep of Green Gables. Did you hear that?! On the doorstep of Green Gables.

One memorable meal or food item: I finally got my Cows ice cream, an absolute Canadian staple, and somewhat of a feature in Prince Edward Island. The names are all cute, corny, and cow-related; gems such as “Cookie MOOnster”, “Wowie Cowie”, “Cowconut”, and “Caramel MOOcacchino”. I chose the very aptly named “Cownadian Maple”, which was a maple syrup, maple butter swirl, and maple cookie concoction that was as overly sweet as it was UTTERLY AWESOME. Even the chocolate-dipped cone was fat and rich with over-done chocolate, slightly too thick to bite through daintily, and completely, wonderfully, honest in its welcome. You cannot get ice cream like this in a big city. This is real country love.

One special photograph: Green Gables, in all it’s glory, the place where a feisty little red-headed girl taught so many other girls to love wholeheartedly, imagine possibilities with wild abandon, unrelenting resilience in times of struggle, and to be bold and stand your own ground, and to never apologise for your background because YOU own the story from here onwards. Anne Shirley, you were an inspiration who crept into our hearts before we even knew how to analyse just how extraordinary, and totally “Brené-Brown-perfectly-imperfect” but damn exceptional that you are.

One decent coffee: Receiver Coffee is totally getting my vote! Australian standard coffee in small-town Charlotte. Five stars.

One amazing moment: Seeing Anne’s room. To read the books and to be inspired is one thing, to stand in the hallway and look into a room that has captured the imagination of so many through the words of Lucy M. Montgomery was so very special. And the fact that she is not even a real girl, but made so UTTERLY REAL in the hearts of people all around the world; that makes it even more special.

One unplanned detour/adventure: A chance meeting with Jay + Sujing from Korea who are planning to move to Australia following their teaching degrees. A day of connection + wonderful conversation followed. I am sad, surprised and joyful at how I don’t connect so easily and freely when I am safe at home, and to see how easily and joyfully new connections can be made when travelling. Let me open my heart up, that I may remember this way of connecting, with child-like joy and wonder, when I am at my most busy at home.

20 minutes reading: Anne of Green Gables, on the bus to Cavendish.

30 minutes composing: I’ve finally rolled up my sleeves and hit a commission that I’m editing! What I’m most happy about is not what’s on the page just yet, but the feeling of working, reworking, and getting deeply into a piece, with steadiness and methodical focus. I always have that flip of the stomach where I wonder if I can immerse myself so deeply, or if my mind is too flighty during a trip. Can I do this? What if nothing works? And then I start. And that wonderful reliability and weight falls on my shoulders, and I find I am at peace because I have finally started the process.

please check-in with those you love!

June 11, 2018

Please, if you love someone, REALLY love someone, TAKE THE TIME TO CHECK-IN WITH THEM. Do not be content with their superficial answer. YOU know them, after all. Check and really WATCH AND LISTEN.

Because that’s what love, connection, and friendship is.

celebration of an unexpected kindred spirit

December 15, 2017

I’m overwhelmed today, so unexpectedly.

Overwhelmed by the love + support around me, which I say thank you for, over and over. It affects me deeply, lifts me up, and means so much. It gives me the courage to be all that I can be, without apology or sacrifice.

Today, and everything about it, reminded me in full force that words count, actions matter, character is seen, and love is unmistakable. That you can NEVER UNDERESTIMATE what you might be contributing to the world, andhow everything that you are changes and affects the people around you, always more than you realise.

We celebrated the beautiful Ruth Howley today; her work and extraordinary contribution to Pulteney, her generosity of spirit, her compassion towards others, and her diligence in leadership + teaching.

I’ve known her for less than 2 years. This was a friendship + working partnership that totally caught me by surprise by how dear it is to me, and how greatly I value it. You’re not supposed to find a kindred spirit in under 2 years, but sometimes, if you’re incredibly lucky, you just do.

So thank you for being my compass.

Some people walk into the room, and without a word, the room changes momentum, and life, joy, and connection are possible. That’s Ruth.

And that’s what I hope to be.

the unexpected peace in forgiveness

October 14, 2017

I have been grappling with forgiveness.

There are so many little understandings + realisations connected to forgiveness that I had no idea about, and the more I read about it and tried to apply it in real-life, the more I found myself uncomfortably challenged, but joyfully liberated.

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting the act or the situation, but it does mean applying the maximum amount of compassion possible to a situation. It means seeing the person, people, or situation requiring forgiveness in the most human light possible; seeing all the short-comings and vulnerabilities, all the imperfections and jagged edges, and softening into the pain and grief, the accusation.

The moment you dehumanise a situation, you walk the other way from forgiveness. Forgiveness is hard work. It’s uncomfortable and gritty, and requires tenacious persistence, and equal amounts of peace and solitude. It’s heart and intellect rolled in one, and it requires practise. I’m learning, all the different colours and nuances of forgiveness. It is nowhere near as black and white as I thought, and each time I forgive, I find a new light and shade in my understanding, and another skill in emotional problem-solving in my repertoire.

Forgiveness works really well when you try and do it in steps, or increments. You need to take time out from the intensity of feeling something, and yes, true forgiveness requires walking through it all. All damn lot of it. Every joyful moment, every searing moment of rage, every farewell, every stomach-churning moment of grief. All of the emotions. So it stands to reason that you need to take a break and, you know, maybe have a cup of tea + a Tim Tam, before diving headlong into it all again!

Forgiveness can look different over time, and might need to be done over and over, but each time you do, it definitely becomes easier. Especially if you’ve made sense of it the previous time you “forgave” and you are building upon a strong compass of forgiveness. So forgiveness needs to be done with an excellent understanding of what your own values are, who you are, and what is okay for you. And each time you make progress, or take another step, something becomes freer and easier. You might suddenly miss a person more, or want to hug them a little tighter. There is the old warmth and joy in conversation, rather than just careful politeness. You are more yourself, and there is connection. Because there is trust.

Finally, forgiveness is freedom. It is like finding more lung-space to breathe deeper, because everything is lighter, the air is clearer, and you have wings that move more. There is still ache and stretch in each step, but there is unmistakable freedom. And that freedom spells itself out in each playful word and new conversation built upon trust. Even in the most dire and difficult moments of forgiveness, there is a deep resonant correctness and rightness about the gravity of the situation. Even if another word is not uttered, there is a sense of some sort of equilibrium. Maybe not the restoration of ANYTHING; perhaps things are far too broken for that. But there are new personal understandings, hard won, and a sense of courage, strength and freedom that comes from walking away from a situation, having forgiven.

Forgiving this week for me was unexpected and simple. For months, I had lost connection with a dear friend. We were in touch, but really not. The old trust, the quirky playfulness, the immediate confidence – all replaced by polite conversation. I was holding back. There was a roadblock that I didn’t know how to shift. I was angry and hurt by distance. What did it take to shift things? Courage to articulate it and time. Time needed to pass, I needed to walk through every force of anger and disappointment, and the trust needed to tentatively grow. There needed to be discomfort and struggle. There needed to be “try” from both ends.

But this week, after 6 months of missing one of my dearest friends…I finally, finally want to hug her breathless and share a ridiculous joke with her. I finally also put into words, compassionately and lovingly, how much I missed her, loved her, and was hurt. It took all my courage to name the hurt and to risk the anger and tears. But somehow, we find ourselves on the other side of it all, freer + lighter.

I’ve taken a step toward freedom.

balancing for love

November 27, 2016

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Please teach me to sit in that alcove of compassion and forgiveness for the people who need me most right now.

Please let me not draw back into the easy safety of my cocoon, or become loud and boisterous, adding to the noise.

Help me sit there, quietly, calmly, in the “in-between”.

Help me lean into the worry, the tenderness, the joy, the heartache, the sadness, the fear, the uncertainty, the unknown.

Help me lean into my own annoyances that tell me this is unfair and unbalanced. Love does not know that, and love does not keep score.

The more I remember that I am, indeed, imperfect, the more free I am.

Help me reach toward something beyond the immediate, into something that feels much more substantial, like patience and compassion, and smells familiar and beautiful.

Help me open my heart just that little bit more, that I may keep learning compassion and stretching, practising, and “couraging”; every little gesture counts.

Because I absolutely want to know that I have the ability to say, “I love you”, “I’m sorry’, and “I miss you”, over and over. I don’t ever want to miss those opportunities. And they take practice. Every day!

And I want to know, really know, that I have the ability meet my darling loved ones in the middles of their storms, or to guide them through mine, and to share stories. Indeed, if they need me, and I don’t know it yet, I’d like to know I could meet them in the middle, or to form the words to ask.

Because simple words with simple breath asking for help in earnest will ALWAYS cut through any storm.