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I have spent the year dropping hints that I like dark chocolate Haigh’s. 😉
Home from our final gig tonight, and I find myself with 8.3 KILOS of dark chocolate Haigh’s, in various forms…blocks, truffles, cookies, frogs, bars, slabs, pastilles, freckles, gift-sets, and more. 🤣
I am actually a little overwhelmed by the ridiculous enormity of that! 😂
And totally overwhelmed by the love + generosity of my Pulteney kiddies. 😊
(What the EFF do I do with all this chocolate?!) 😜
The EXPRESSION on this doggo’s face when he realises what he has done!
Let me break down report writing:
Depending on the term, it’s writing a 5000 to 10000 word essay under EXTREME pressure, when you are completely and utterly exhausted from the term of teaching and are hating life anyway.
You have a critical audience of approximately 250 students and (even more alarmingly) 500-ish parents who are all deeply interested in DIFFERENT 200-300 word increments of said academic essay. So you can’t even throw in a random half-page quote to haze your audience. You have to write at absolute premium quality for the WHOLE DAMN ESSAY.
If you don’t utilise that thesaurus of “student-focused + encouraging” words, you can be damn sure you’ll be fielding a phone call from an irate parent as to why you described their precious darling as “conscientious” rather than “dedicated”.
YOU CAN’T EVEN WRITE WHAT YOU WANT. You have to spend your time scrupulously veiling your true thoughts into positively-bent, passive-aggressive pointers of “forward-thinking encouragement”.
The final report is like white bread: refined as all hell with all the good stuff processed out, leaving only the fluffy white stuff.
Happy report writing!
Day 26: Vancouver to Auckland
Karma is a BIATCH who is IMMENSELY fun to watch in action when she’s working for you!
Waiting to collect my noodles + somehow got my order before the (surly, prematurely-aged, overly made-up) lady who ordered in front of me, who was visibly AND audibly pissed that I dare get my food before her.
By way of softening the blow (and to show her I ABSOLUTELY noticed) I said encouragingly, “Your order is getting cooked, looks great! Sorry yours didn’t come out in order.”
“It’s F I N E,” she seethed, in a voice that said it was anything BUT fine.
I gave a sympathetic look to the serving lady + went to get my chopsticks. As I was walking off, I heard an almighty, “OH, FOR CHRISSAKES!”
Turned around to find that Impatient Surly Madam had stuck her knife + fork in her noodles so violently that she’d stabbed through the bottom fastenings of her “Wok-in-a-Box” style takeaway box, and her shirt front, right leg + foot were covered in hot, sloppy, oyster-saucy noodles.
HIGH FIVE, Karma!
I’m enjoying my noodles. And can I just say, LADY, you DESERVED that if you choose to eat noodles with a knife + fork!
Necessary training for all of you wanting to travel…!
Day 20: New York to Washington.
The Day of Unexpected Okay-ness! 😃
Today I’m flying from New York to Washington. Not gonna lie, was expecting many moments of today to suck. So when things sucked less than I thought, or actually reached a level of okayness, I was super-excited.
1. The trip on the LIRR line from Penn Street Station to JFK. Hey, it all worked! They post the departure platforms like the post baseball scores, then everyone goes ABSOLUTELY BUNTER to get on the train, and then it’s literally half empty! I got a whole row to myself. 😆
2. The TSA + security line at JFK Terminal 2, which has a reputation for sucking THE MOST out of all the terminals at JFK. Wow. What an honour. And yet, I flew through in 15 minutes. AND got a smile from on of the security ladies who said, “You’re a long way from home and those damn-fine Tim Tams you got goin’ on there, Missy!” 😂
3. The ACTUAL terminal, which has the same reputation as above. On reading the reviews, I thought I was going to be walking into chaos + squalor. It just reminds me of Adelaide Airport, it’s not a comprehensive shopping mall and I didn’t need it to be, but it has everything you could possibly want before a flight just like in Adelaide, and it was TOTALLY FINE.
4. The toilets. Wow, the reviews were HARSH. But being well-hydrated comes with the need to go, so I took a breath that I intended to hold the whole way though the bathroom stop + ventured in. THEY WERE OKAY! DEAR GOD, THEY WERE OKAY! They’re not the Taj Mahal, and I wouldn’t stay there any longer than I needed, but they were clean, they worked, they had toilet paper, and soap. Free woman, oh what a feeling! 🤣
5. The coffee. Yes, I KNOW. What was I thinking?! But when I was tossing up between a kombucha + a flat white, the flat white won. AND IT DIDN’T SUCK! It was, in fact, low-key successful Cibos level. Mind. Blown. 😜
6. Places to chill. Reviewers cautioned over-optimistic travellers that they would struggle to find a seat, that they would be screamed at for loitering, and don’t even think about finding a place to do some work. I’m sitting in my quiet little nook, with my coffee that doesn’t suck, completely chill + ready to start my new novel.
Today, at “OKAY”, ended up being a “GREAT SUCCESS”.
Day 19: Exploring Brooklyn, NY.
It appears Brooklyn has a sense of humour!